what an awful day

was to get my wee brother off his school bus today, he's autistic..
 he like totally ran away from me and when i grabbed him he wouldn't come back to the house. i ended up clutching on to him for dear life and somehow managed to persuade him to walk to my mums work with me, and to make matters worse i had left the front door wide open. he wasn't doing it out of badness - he wanted to go to the shop to get a dvd and once he has something in his head, he's determined to get it. it was actually so hard to try and push him back to the house - he's like twice my weight. i'm in absoloute shock. anything could of happened to him. feel like i'm going to throw up. i hate what autism does to my brother. i fucking hate it. it's not even as if i could have told him we'd go to the shop later, he can't communicate.
and yet tomorrow, nobody will have a clue what happened and what happens on a regular basis, and i'll sit and have to listen to people moan about how shitty their life is 'cos someone doesn't like them back or something.
i try and talk to my friends about autism and how it makes me feel but i guess it's such a misunderstood condition, nobody really gets it.
 it's fucking horrible not even being able to ask how his wee day was.